I generally avoid mirrors. Don't like looking at my physical self, and oddly, what I see isn't what others see. Example: I took a selfie once, and everybody flinches when they see it. Now it's not a great picture - but it IS what I see when I look in the mirror. My friends are horrified at the picture, because it's not how they see my face. Odd but true. Anyway, that's not the point here.
My title here refers to my examination of my inner self since I moved. First, getting away from Unnamed University That Burned Me (hereafter, Hell Univ) lifted a psychological load that I was aware I was carrying, but hadn't realized how awful that load was. Second, retiring from Hell makes me re-examine my post-professional identity, and what elements will be within that and what I want to add. Third, my new place is... lovely. And while I love singing its praises (saw an eagle from my kitchen window this morning!), I also hesitate to do so. Particularly to my friends. So number three is inhibiting my communications with my dear friends.
My friends still in HellTown are still in HellTown, and some still work at Hell U. And they really don't like it much, but have no ability to get out. So when I crow about how lovely my new life is, I feel like I'm rubbing it in, making their situation harder to bear. They know I'm very happy, but I'm sure they are already tired of hearing it. And they are all gearing up for the new term, facing the next round of cuts, ill-will and nastiness. Others, not in HellTown, have continued their lives as they do, but again, I'm sure they are tired of me gloating as well.
So what do I do? Recount the trivial problems of my rather charmed present life? Of course I have problems, but the joys far outnumber them. And - crap, there's a damned beach not five minutes from my house! How can I possibly bitch about prices or the mountain of boxes that damn near fill my garage or having to wait for the painter - when these are the problems of a Lady of Leisure? Seriously!
One of the things I really want to do is get myself on a schedule of sorts. Where I put aside time every day - significant time - to write and research. The content/subject and process will then be something I can share with my friends, and it'll get me doing what I want to do. Since 90% of my friends are academics and scholars, this will help with the problem noted above.
I also want to get involved in the community, via the Master Gardeners and dog clubs. And volunteer at the wildlife refuge. Those things I need to wait until I've got the stuff done that requires a schedule that can worked around contractors etc.. Because once the painter (for example) has time for my project, he'll be here a week and I'll either have to get the dogs out all day during that week OR be here to help get the job done. Either way, I'm not going to be able to go to events, meetings, classes, etc..
And then there's the glass. I really miss doing that, and can't even unpack that until... after the painter! Then I can order the IKEA bookcases and storage units and have a place to put the stuff I unpack! Same deal on the research - can't get to my books without unpacking them, and no place to put them until I get some bookcases....
No comments:
Post a Comment