February 2024. Already.

 RBOPC (Random Bullets of Political Crap)

• As I write this, the Supreme Court is deciding on Colorado's ban on Trump on their ballot. Honestly, I just want Trump gone from the American political scene. I think they'll rule against Colorado, for various reasons. Roberts has already intimated that he's not comfortable with any single state "deciding" an election, which sounds rather hypocritical to me, considering the conservative's long history of "state's rights." And I can't see them Trump-appointed justices voting against him, as well as Alito and Thomas. Clarence should have recused himself on any of these cases, anything on the Jan 6 cases as well as anything that concerns Ginny's actions to overturn the 2020 election. This decision is going to damage the court any way it decides; I'd rather see it damaged by acknowledging that Trump instigated the insurrection and hold him accountable there. The damage of overturning the Colorado decision will be far longer lasting, as it will again clearly demonstrate just how corrupt this court is. And how arrogant and hypocritical the GOP has become.
• In British Columbia, the local media scene got a major blow when Bell decided to shut down too many local radio stations and newscasts. I love what the Premier called their business practices: the encrapification of news journalism. Such a perfect term. Encrapification really does describe what too much of the media - broadcast and cable/streaming - has become & done. With the consolidation of the media over the past decades, independent news is rare while the search for ever greater profit has turned the media landscapes into wastelands. Things change, all the time - I'm good with that. But the media, in search of content that will draw eyeballs & ears (and thus $$), has encrapified nearly everything it has touched. In my little corner of this reality, it seems to have begun when TLC/Discovery turned from teaching, learning and discovery into Rape & Pillage voyeurism. That's when I first noticed it anyway. Discovery went from exploring science and the natural world to watching Guys (usually unkempt and hairy) kill stuff: forests, fish stocks, the earth itself. And do it all for profit, without regard for anything but their own thrills and bucks. And every time I think that maybe people are getting tired of Rape & Pillage, another "reality" show pops up. Which depicts somebody's fantasy, I guess, but it's really all just bread & circuses. Anything to distract people from thinking, a constant diet of junk food for the brain.  Americans aren't just suffering from obesity in ever growing numbers: we've developed into flabby-brained chits incapable of critical thinking. And angry at anybody & everybody who notices it.
• We hit the tipping point of 1.5 degrees centigrade in 2023 - and much sooner and faster than the climate scientists expected. And the US is still arguing about that reality. Day after day we get reports of climate disasters around the world, and still we deny climate change. We really don't deserve to survive this: we're what? 4.23% of the global population, and the second largest contributor of greenhouse gases (China's #1, with 17.72% of global population). 
• Here's one for you: 30% of the world's children suffer from hunger. "There are around 690 million people experiencing food insecurity globally, and 60% of those individuals are female."  Hunger and the Gender Gap | Move For HungerMove For Hungerhttps://moveforhunger.org › the-links-between-hunger-a...

Random Bullets of a Monday

Just back from a lunch with some... friends. The relationship is in an odd place where you kind of want to meet them 'for old times sake' but the 'old times' really weren't that great. And then the old gang kind of fell apart and new relationships creep into a stranger place. So I found myself getting back to my car and thinking 'thank god that's over.' That's just sad. And very true. It's a once a year lunch, so not onerous, just... this was uncomfortable for me.

War between Israel and Hamas, with a couple of million Palestinians taking the brunt of the retribution. I think a lot of people are torn, knowing that the Gaza situation is horrific, accepting that Hamas' actions are horrible, that Israel's restrictions on Gaza and the West Back are terrible - getting things/people in/out of Gaza were made ever more difficult, I can see both sides. Netanyahu is an ass; terrorism is a last resort kind of response. No good guys, lots of bad guys, lots of civilians on both sides becoming ever more hostage to the extremists.

The Ukraine war worries me, as the US seems to be at best luke-warm on the project. The Project being, let me make clear, supporting Ukraine against Russian aggression. I hate that support for Ukraine is a political football between factions here in the US. I hate that the Republicans are increasingly promoting an isolationist policy that plays Putin's game. All for show, because they want power and that's apparently all they care about, and are willing to do anything to get/keep it.

Part of this, I hope, is my body's reaction to my four vaccines yesterday. I'm achy and head achy, grumpy and lack interest/focus in just about everything. I felt good this morning, working in the garage and getting stuff resorted and rearranged. Now, with a good lunch (fish tacos) in me, all I want to do is curl up with a book and some dogs and hide from everybody and everything. Again, sad. I think I shall follow my body signals, and get warm, comfy and settled in. With the hope that after a few hours of that, interest in something will kick my ass up and doing.

Well, That was Interesting...

 Yes, indeedy. McCarthy losing a vote of confidence. Led by the All-Time-Loser, Matt Gaetz. Wow. Just goes to show what Lenin said was right: a small number can have an outsized effect. McCarthy gave them power, and he caved to them all along. Until he did the right thing, passed a continuing resolution with the support of Democrats - and against the mini-mob. The rest of the GOP has also shown their colors - they might have supported him as Speaker, but they too are so afraid of their extreme wing that they do nothing else. American politics are so f-d up.

The gag order on Trump is lovely, but of course he doubles down. And runs away from his lawyers in NY to go pout and spout from Mar-a-Lago. The question now is: when (not if) he spouts his vile lies from there, will a NY judge slap him down? And how? Personally, were I that judge, I'd give him a meaningful fine (say $5 million) the first time. Double it the second, and nail him to the wall for contempt on the third.  If Trump really has the cash to pay $15 million in fines for the first two, and continues?  Make it very clear that the next one will be heavily fined and incur even more limits on his bile. Like $50 million plus jail time. I hesitate with the jail thing, because Don would relish that as campaign fodder. 

Don's request for further delay in the rest of the cases should be denied out of hand, by all judges. Or conditional: only if he retires from campaigning (for anyone) and agrees to leave politics altogether. He's just too nuts to continue to be a player of any type. The DOJ did it with Agnew; do it with the far more toxic Trump!

Would that stop the extremists? O no, I doubt it. They are loving their tastes of power; only being turned out of office by their constituents would defang them; they'll then go on the speaking tours and rile up others. How do we get the slime of the troll cohort to crawl back under their slime and stay there?

I'm very worried that US support for Ukraine will be cut off; Putin's treasury may be big, but his military and political classes are not ignorant of what is going on in the war. Can he expand that further? He'll try, no doubt, and he loves waving his nuclear toys about. In a way, I see that as fair: Truman did that when we had the atomic weapons, to get Stalin to participate in the war against the Japanese. I can only hope that somewhere in the Putin sphere there are military commanders with the foresight and courage to stop him. Given Vlad's record dealing with opposition, they are going to have to be quite brave and put their lives on the line. 

I'm really hoping that Zelensky will have the will and courage to call elections, and that he can win. And that Putin and Trump can stay the hell out of Ukrainian politics!

Political Weirdness

 First, McCarthy's apparent incapacity to do his job, which is to act as LEADER of the House Majority. He's letting the extremists hold the entire government hostage - instead of opening the vote to Democrats. The Guardian says he'd open himself to a challenge to his "leadership," by which they mean his title vs his actions. If he could demonstrate some leadership, we could acknowledge that he is Leader. He isn't demonstrating any kind of leadership and openly acknowledges that the extremists are "willing to burn the place down" - yet he could, singlehandedly get spending bills passed, bills he already agreed to pass. This isn't leadership, this is reckless endangerment. Six people are holding the country hostage, and their so-called leader is more concerned with holding onto his own title than getting on with the business of government. 

Second: The Supreme Court. I used to have the highest regard for that institution and now... well now, I simply cringe as we learn of the blatant corruption so evident in the actions of Justices who consider themselves above the law. Clarence Thomas and Sam Alito, I'm pointing at YOU. Both should have recused themselves on issues before the court that they had direct personal ties/links to: recusal is the very least they should have done. If they had any morals they should never have taken the original steps that led to the calls for them to recuse. Above and beyond any personal animosity that I have toward these men, if they cannot recognize a bribe on their own, they have no place on the highest court. Their ideas of what is right and just are skewed by their sense of entitlement that any hope for a disinterested analysis of the facts and law must be abandoned. They have disgraced themselves and brought the institution of the very Court itself into disrepute. That the Chief Justice refuses to rebuke or challenge them is just another horrific weakness revealed. Alito argues that Congress cannot impose an ethical standard on justices, citing both judicial independence and separation of powers. If we buy that argument, then there is  no way to impeach a Justice, so the rest of the country is stuck with a deeply compromised Supreme Court that cannot be challenged. This would make the nomination and confirmation process even more important than ever. That process must be de-politicized completely, although the methods and challenges to that are enormously complex and fraught. It only takes one, such as Trump and/or McConnell, to dismiss long standing traditions to screw it up (as they did with Kavanaugh). We're all stuck with Brett the Brat for a very long time to come.

Third: Menendez. Oh dear lord. How dare anybody suggest that accepting cash and gold in return for skewing legislation/access is not the work of a legislator?! Seriously? That's his defense? I'm pretty sure he took the Oath of Office... but then again, so have others in the various branches of government who accept what any one else would call a bribe. This systemic corruption isn't new, but what seems now both commonplace and completely out of hand has to be stopped. And stopped hard when it is unearthed. We can research and analyze the actions and attitudes that changed our understanding of the responsibilities and obligations of political and business actors - in my lifetime, I see a major turn with the Citizens United case of 2010. But the loss of the Equal Time provision and implementation (it's still on the books but you'd never know it, because... Citizens United) put money above all else. We saw the consequences of all of this money throughout the 20th century. And now well into the 21st. It used to be tobacco and the energy companies, handing out cash like crazy - then Big Pharma jumped into the mud puddle. They weren't just spending lavishly on candidates, but actively purchasing, in cash, access and 'incentives' to legislators - latest example, Menendez. We kind of hoped they weren't doing that with judges... obviously, they were are are continuing to do so, and apparently it's a completely open market. Sure, buy me a car and I'll talk to some people. Open some doors. That's a bribe folks, pure and simple. If you can't resist, don't run for office. You are there to represent the people of your district or state, not Pharma or Russia or Big Oil. Or, in Menendez's case, Egypt.

I'm always struck by the hypocrisy of the Extreme Right, citing the Bible and defying its most basic teachings at the same time. Touting their Christianity while inciting hatred. As some wit noted: let's get the Christ back in Christianity. Let's get past the Old Testament 'shall not' lists, and instead hold up the Beatitudes. Boy, wouldn't that take the steam out of the "Freedom Caucus"!

Sunday Morning Comin' Down...

 O, it's a lovely morning here in my tiny corner of the PNW. Too many fires in the Olympics though: yesterday I woke from a lovely nap to yellow light - smoke filled the western sky and turned everything kind of ominous. Once I tracked down what it was, and where it originated (there's a website that gives you updates on fires around the US!) I felt less Damocles-ish. But the smoke lingered; the fire had been burning since 28 August, but this was the first time the winds had driven the smoke & ask our direction. Once again, the effect of the Olympic Rainshadow clearly demonstrated! (I feel this absurd desire to create links to all these things, when I know there are zero people out there reading and even fewer (ha!) interested in such things. And besides, I don't want any more people up here!

Does that make me a ladder-puller? I read that term the other day - referencing Clarence Thomas I think. I hate to think that I'd have anything in common with that... thing. But the term does seem to fit that all too common phenom of pulling the ladder up after you to keep others from attaining your spot. And that's definitely how I feel about my corner of the planet. There are already too many people moving here.

So yesterday was a weird one: I slept until very late (11 AM) and then spent the entire day flumping around with very little energy and less interest. Even took aforementioned nap! Spent some lounging time on the patio in the sun, which was lovely (despite the group of men outside my fence installing a new community bulletin board). They were putting the finishing touches on their erection; two working on installing an overhang and a couple supervising and commenting. The day before, the 'placement committee' had spent a couple of hours deciding precisely where to  put the thing; much talking and debating, a couple of women giggling and even outright laughing, then the women disappeared and the men began digging the holes. I'm sure they are all rather pleased with their efforts; I'm just astonished at how long it took them to put it up. And then afterwards, the president of the HOA came by to tweak it. 

Why do I care? Well, the thing is in the best place for such a bulletin board: next to the mailboxes. Which is maybe 20 steps from my back gate. People reasonably take their dogs when they come to check their mail, and stop to visit and exchange pleasantries with anybody doing the same. They commonly move away from the mailboxes to allow other space, and all that? Well, the dogs + people + friendly chatter = trigger my dogs' barking. For which I'm already in trouble. I understand the dynamic, but my neighbor - who is unaware of the situation, only hears my dogs and she's the one that complains. Sigh. First World Problems of privilege.

From the Moroccan earthquake to the Libyan floods, to the Chinese floods, the fires and floods in Greece and Turkey... the world is a mess. I sincerely hope the GOP disintegrates into chaos, and especially the Freedom Caucus and their extremist ideology. Ms Bobert can join MTG and Carrie Lake in the lowest circle of hell, along with McConnell, the Freedom Caucus, McCarthy and their adored tyrant Trump. And Putin, yeah he and Kim can join that party. Orban welcome there too. There are so many on the guest list; I just wish the party would start there and they'd all disappear from here ASAP.

We got to paint this past week, and I'm very excited for those to dry. I'm ready to paint some more! I played with the Amsterdam pearl paints, following the videos of Molly's Artistry and Mark Ratcliffe:

The Wet Version 

It's a dark blue base (I think, either that or dark purple), with the pearl paints that only really show up when dry: there's blue, purple, red and green, and the gold is DecorArt's 24K Gold. Once they start moving, the blue and purple begin to show up, but the other two only show when dry. I know there's some green in one or two areas, but the red may have melded into the purple. It doesn't show here but there's a really cool depth to the painting, and when you angle your view or the canvas, there's a gold sheen that seems to float over the colors. I did another with similar colors but a different technique, very different look to it with lots more negative space. then a spring-colored one, with no negative space. That one may be  put into the re-use pile of canvases. Actually I did 4, all of which I thought were keepers. But I can't even remember the 4th...

I also helped Chicago finish her chicken habitat, and was rewarded with this:  Matilda & Me

We worried that one of the other hens was actually a rooster, as s/he'd started crowing and picking on the others. She's been really broody for a while, then the aggression and crowing - we were worried. Chicago told the hen/rooster that if s/he continued to behave like that, s/he couldn't stay. Friend noted that she'd read that some hens could actually turn into roosters... but today? Well, that hen produced her first egg. So I totally get her grumpiness the other day! As she is one of the two youngest (by two weeks), the others may quickly follow in the laying of eggs. The time and money spent on these $2 chickens makes that single egg worth about $5,000 so far. Minimum. But then you consider the joy and laughter they've given? I figure we still owe them; it's so much fun to sit with them and just be.

May your days be filled with such simple pleasures and hours of joy & laughter.

Once upon a time...

 I used to have a blog, Scattered & Random, which was short for Scattered Thoughts and Random Ideas (STARI). When I lost that blog, and it went inactive, it died and took with it all I'd written. Occasionally, I find stuff in the Way Back Machine, but never what I really want. As is the way of the internet, right?

But the idea of having a place to explore thoughts and ideas sticks. I've missed blogging regularly, and still check blogs from my 'previous life' (academia and people whose blogs I read then), and some I've found more recently. I need to find more - I long for those casual but meaningful conversations on wide ranging issues. Out of academia and into a far less stressful life now, what I find I miss most are the conversations about ideas, concepts and questions.

Such as: I stumbled onto a FB post a couple of days ago about a woman who'd left the Christian church because her experience was so negative and she saw violence and hatred justified 'in the name of the faith.' I was heartened to read that, even more to see that so many agreed with her. On Pinterest I saw a thing: Forget putting Christ back in Christmas; let's get Christ back into Christianity! I agreed with that too. So I'm glad to encounter others who share my own experience and outlook: I left the church I grew up in when I was about 12. My family got a bill from that church, and on the bottom of the note was: We accept Visa and MasterCard. I was stunned and angry: God sends bills? God takes plastic??!! My poor mother tried to explain and talk me down, but I was just horrified. That experience ended my life-long (all 12 years) of participation in church activities. 

Decades later, I came across a quote: "Spirituality is about a connection with a divine; religion is about crowd control." Don't have any idea who said it, or how it's been modified, but it rings so true to my own experience and my professional training. Religion is used for control and manipulation so frequently, that we really can't say it's 'mis-used' - not when people around the world, from all kinds of religious communities, justify cruelty and violence and even indifference in the name of their god(s). If that was a rare occurrence, we might say it's a misuse of religion; but it's far too common for that. 

So I consider myself a pagan, an animist who works to recognize the value and dignity of every manifestation of being: the trees, the rocks, the rivers and the oceans - all are interconnected and a part of a greater whole and deserve honor, respect and protection. 

The 'whole' isn't just an eco-system, or even a planet - in my lifetime we've moved from a view of the universe as a relatively small Huge thing to our solar system as a tiny part of an enormous system - just take a hard look at JWST images, and our galaxy is so tiny! We can only 'see' 13.5 billion years - 10 years ago, that wasn't really possible, never mind the galactic paradigms of the 1950s! I clearly remember when somebody first found another planet in a different solar system, and how astonishing that was. I remember clearly when Jacques Cousteau first filmed the deep sea life forms, and revealed that photosynthesis was only ONE of the processes that converted energy into organic compounds. I remember my astonishment and wonder at the very idea of chemosynthesis and was transfixed. Hubble images were equally mesmerizing, and JWST? Well, that just blew me away. Still does. A friend once explained to me that we don't know how to see non-carbon based life forms - that there could be silicone life forms out there that we simply don't know how to look for. That seemed so logical to  me, and I wonder if scientists have figured that out yet. I just read that chickens can see UV - and I wonder if that ability is in other animals - having lived with both cats and dogs, I know that both can sense things I can't. It makes sense to me that we don't all share the same capabilities, the same rods and cones... so if chickens can see UV, what else can? The world/universe/multiverse is so big, so wondrous, so amazing... how can we not be aware of how much we don't know? How can we not be fascinated by the unknown? Why are so many people so terrified by the unknown? 

Paganism, for me, encourages an exploration of the closest and grandest 'wholes' around us. Crowd control offers some one else's answers for my (many) questions, and it offers security to so many. I can't help but question that taught need for security. And I resent like hell those who think that those of us outside their religion need to be controlled. Limited. Restricted. They are far more dangerous to everyone than I will ever be. They have every right to their beliefs: they do not have the right to impose their religion on others. Period.

Procrastinating procrafting

 One thing I've really embraced in the past 8 years (since retirement) is papercrafting. In the past 23, crafting in various forms has become my replacement for academic research & writing. Once the dissertation was finished, I had that odd relief/distress of the disappearance of The Diss as The Thing I Need to Do. Gradually it filled with crafting: first sewing (a life-time habit and 'hobby'), the gardening, stained glass, then fused glass & jewelry-making. Moving into the PNW meant that glass became much more difficult - the nearest glass shop was two plus hours away, and while I had an ample supply and a good physical set up, it just never really started up again here. It is/was sporadic and not nearly as tempting, whereas in my previous space/place it consumed my interest and time.

Up here, there was a charming little papercraft/art shop in our charming downtown (which is all of one block long, a mile from my home), and lots of ways to meet new people. So I dove into papercrafting, starting with scrapbooking (that lasted about a month) and card making. And now, eight years on, I'm still deeply into card making although that has expanded into design & engineering. The craft room has finally been reconfigured too: over the summer I got new floors installed (LVP), and had to completely empty that room. So the empty space allowed and encouraged a thoughtful reorganization: out went the last of the stained glass tools and supplies, to be sold/donated to some one who will enjoy and use it. I purged much of the sewing stuff years ago, but what is left is now where I can get to it and use it for only those projects that I want to do: mending, gift bags, whatever. Small projects of my own design. I also purged my papercraft supplies, passing along or selling stuff I no longer want/use. Where I've been making do with mismatched cube storage units and side walk finds, I rethought and reconfigured and reorganized, so that what was unused space is now floor to ceiling cubby space with labeled cubes. I converted the awkward closet that had been used to store unused glass supplies to a sewing/computer nook. I hung the pegboards into a more usable configuration, painted them in bright colors to encourage energy and creativity, and added art to the upper reaches of the walls. Between the consolidation, reorganization, additions and deletions, I created a space that feels fun and creative and serene and roomier than ever. I really like being in there.

But I haven't really created anything since the middle of April. And I went from creating 15 cards a week (all for a regular mailing list of friends who I wanted to let know I was thinking of them) to zero. Long after the floor chaos (22 May), the room remained mostly empty. I moved stuff back into the room a bit at a time. 

There's still a lot in the garage that needs to make the short journey back into living space. I purged my library - well over 1,000 books went off to the library's donation place. Long-time friends were stunned to see empty shelves - lots of empty shelves - where books used to be two deep. (Oddly, what didn't go were most of the nick-nacks that I've had perched precariously on top of or in front of the books.) In the craft room - again - is space I've never had. 

But even when I feel like creating, what I end up doing when I get self into the craft room, is organizing. God knows I'm still buying craft supplies & tools. Temu has been both lovely and deadly: their offerings are, to me, mesmerizing. Stamps and dies are 60-90% less than exactly the same things from the craft stores. Right now I'm waiting on two orders - roughly $70 total - of things I can't find or won't pay the price of in US stores. If I were able to find it here, that $70 would be well over $300 from US retailers and - here's the crux of it - I wouldn't have bought, period. So even as I purged a bunch of stamps/dies, I've now added different stuff at a price and rate that is far less and wouldn't have bought had it not been so cheap. My Temu habit must be broken!

So new stuff comes in, gets cataloged and organized and put away...but not used. I'm procrastinating procraftinating even as I avoid doing the things that need doing...

The joys and challenges of retirement...

Off Politics...

Have you heard of EMDR? I certainly hadn't. I had been diagnosed with PTSD, and the conventional wisdom was that it was just something you learned to cope with, developed new/additional coping mechanisms, all with the hope that someday - apparently magically - you'd either not be triggered OR learn to avoid triggers. The fundamental trauma would remain a trauma. 

I'd been in therapy since 1995 for depression, mostly CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) but until 2015, no one had told me that PTSD was part of my (many) issues. 2015 was a hellish year, and a wonderful one: hell because my professional reputation was trashed and slandered (what was later called institutional betrayal). Wonderful because I found and moved to my present location, which has become Home in ways I never dreamed of. But after several years of feeling delightfully stress free and that the depression was under control (thanks to meds), in late 2019 I realized I was slipping back down that all-too-familiar slope into the abyss.

In early 2020, I sought a tweak of my meds, and a qualified counselor. All that required, per the insurance, was a referral by my PCP to a Behavioral Therapist (BT). If the BT couldn't help me or resolve my problem, they could/would refer me to the insurance-approved shrink (IAS) who could then recommend to my PCP that I see a 'real' therapist. All these steps - had I known how long those steps would take, I might have started much sooner. It took 3 weeks to get into the BT, and a couple of those sessions (30/every 2 weeks) before I could tell her "look. I've been in therapy for 20+ years. What we're doing here feels like high school psych 001. I need more." She was a bit startled, but agreed to bump me to the IAS. That took another several weeks, which was painful because I felt like I was hanging on by a (insert metaphor of your choice). I got in to see him, and he dismissed the prior diagnoses, asked expected questions and ultimately agreed with the previous diagnoses. And agreed to recommend to  my PCP that I find a good counselor.

By some stroke of divine intervention/astounding luck, I stumbled on a woman nearby, and she was accepting new patients and agreed to meet with me (this is in the first months of the pandemic, when finding a shrink was already getting difficult). I cannot express my appreciation for her. In our first meeting, doing the routine intake stuff, I held nothing back. I was so desperate for help that ego and caution were left at the curb. She not only agreed to accept me as a client, but thought I would be a good candidate for EMDR for my PTSD. I had no clue what that was, so she suggested I research it. 

Well. WOW. I read up, searched the internet, asked around. No one I knew had ever heard of it, but of course the internet had lots of answers: some helpful, some dismissive, some clear, others muddy as hell. My next meeting with Beatrice (my new counselor) was good: I told her I wanted to try the EMDR, was skeptical but hopeful. So the next weeks were spent doing the set-up, and the questions were not what I'd expected: after 20+ years of CBT, the questions were completely new to me: where did I feel safe? When? Why? I had no safe place, never have had. That shocked both of us, but I was being totally honest and open (and wretched). So we spent a couple of weeks doing the set-up for EMDR, and those were some of the most enlightening sessions of my life.

Ultimately, she gave me some tools that would and do help me focus, put feelings aside until I can deal with them with her help, start visualizing. I was so excited and so amazed at how well I could get those tools to work, that I told a friend (also depressed & PTSD), and she started using the tools to help her.

 Things I've learned:

• How to compartmentalize responses to triggers and keep them compartmentalized
• How to let go - actually resolve - events/experiences that created the trauma
• Trauma isn't comparable: five people experiencing the same event at exactly the same moment will likely process it in at least 5 different ways. One might be able to react, respond and process it - let it pass. Another might take a few days/weeks, but it will process and pass. Others are traumatized.
• Those processes are a physiological cascade of bio-reactions originating in the amygdala. So what is a trauma isn't a choice - it is a bio-chemical 'lock' on a part of the brain. Removing that lock isn't something one can will into happening, but it CAN resolve via therapy. OMG was that huge. It's not just a case of 'get over it.' No one can say 'that wasn't traumatic!' It isn't a choice.

I've read the studies that dismiss the premises and practices of EMDR, but it has been accepted and used as one of the top treatments for PTSD. Personally, I think most people would benefit from learning its techniques. I've seen it help others, and it's changed my life. For decades I've been asking professionals to teach me to let go of the past, of events, experiences and the memories of the neglect, abuse and abandonment that I've experienced. And I finally got an answer that works for me.

It's made an enormous difference in my everyday life. I no longer have silent agonizing conversations, trying to find the words, the way to communicate the impact of the words, actions, inactions and physical blows have had on my life. I no longer accept any blame for my feelings, or my pain. I've let that go, via EMDR. The PTSD is still there, but it's no longer a heavy burden. Now it feels like a minor twinge of a little used muscle, rather than a cascading mountain lurking on my shoulder, ready to incapacitate me. 

Beatrice says I've been an amazing client/patient, and we agree it was because I came in hoping it would work. I firmly believe that my openness and desperation were key factors: I literally had nothing to lose if it didn't work. Never doubt that the therapy was hard, or pain free. But it has been remarkably effective and it's been lasting. 

If you're interested in learning more, I'd recommend starting here.

Well, Howdy! Starting again. Again.

It's been a while, but as a blog offers both a comfortable space and an opportunity, my therapist suggested I try again. So!

The fabulous news of Trump's newest indictment is top of mind. I cannot believe how many Amurikans continue to believe and support that twit. His howls of purported rage are, IMHO, those of a hyper-spoiled brat who has never had to face any consequences for his stupidity and venality. The fact that it's Georgia makes it all the more surprising: Georgia is conservative and a bit backward, but they are, to date, the only state that has the people who are willing to call a crime a crime in this case. For him, Georgia used to be little more than a fly-over, a minor irritation when they didn't always dance to his fiddle. For them to charge him and insist that he surrender? Please let this be the humiliation he so richly deserves.

And the RICO elements? I swooned. 41 counts, 19 defendants... and so much evidence! Lordy, what that man and his enablers have done. I am still not sure that this country can ever recover from the damage that  the GOP has done over the past half century: Nixon's venality, Reagan's reckless anti-governing attitudes, the Tea Party's canonization of Reagan and his legend (which blithely ignored all the damage he did and further undermined the social contract),  Newt Gingrich, Tom Delay, the Bush Boys back room presidencies, Dick Cheney (war criminal)... and then... OMG, the Moscow Mitch degradations. Paul Ryan. Donald Trump. Kevin McCarthy. Marjorie Taylor-Green. And the politics of fear mongering... remember how horrified we were when Bush Sr (already tarred and damaged by Iran-Contra) was running against Michael Dukakis, and used the Willie Horton case to re-invigorate his campaign? The Republicans had been encoding fear politics into their programs and platforms for years - that was, for me, the first time I personally saw an overt appeal based on racism by the Republicans (which says much about my socialization and blinders, doesn't it..?). Then the Tea Party's pettiness and the disgrace that is Newt Gingrich. It's a long and distressing litany of old white men who sought personal power at the expense of American-style democracy. And all too frequently, not only redefined those traditions, but degraded us all.

So yeah, I pleased that finally somebody called a crime a crime. And is going after the Trump Cabal. Too bad Fani Willis is such a unicorn, and no wonder that a local Republican state lawmaker is calling for her impeachment. May he rot in Trump Hell.

Beyond that...

The Ukraine war is an ongoing tragedy, which Americans would prefer to forget. No, we want to cry for the people of Lahaina in Hawaii. That is not to say that Lahaina isn't tragic, and horrific. It is simply on a totally different scale than the nightmares that Putin and his cronies are imposing on Ukraine. Americans tend to be insular and thoroughly sold on the idea of American exceptionalism, and get downright nasty and even violent when that is questioned. So yes, I feel sympathy for those who've suffered in Lahaina, as I do for those in Lytton BC. And those all over the world whose homes and livelihoods were destroyed by fire, war, greed, environmental catastrophe, climate change, etc.. I cringe when Americans focus only on the local and refuse to acknowledge the loss and humanity of those outside the geo-political constructs of Amurika.

We Might Have Delayed the Decline. Maybe.

 The mid-terms were far closer than I expected. So there is some good news. It wasn't the Red Wave the GOP was hoping for; and the Liars and Accelerationists were - in some places - repudiated. But the Chief Liar (Trump) isn't deterred, apparently. That's bad news for all of us who care about democracy. The House seemingly flipped - that's bad news for justice re: the January 6 Committee and the work it has done. McCarthy is probably preparing the bonfire for that. I wonder if Moscow Mitch will show for it. He's probably being sullen and, no doubt, concocting new plans to subvert the Senate Majority. He'll likely succeed too - he has Manchin in his pocket, and that splits the Senate down the middle. I'd hate to be Joe Biden - his tough job just got tougher. And he doesn't have a firm base anyway. And I've seen/heard nothing from center or left that promises anything better.

As a country, we seem riven and sullen, if not down right self-destructive. If shared values are a basis for nation (a word I use advisedly), we don't have one. In the current political environment, we might all be using the same words, but definitions are all wonky. Not that they've ever been really clear - going back decades, I distinctly remember hearing Dan Quayle utter 'traditional family values' and choking on my beer. My mother glared at me when I said 'well, that's meaningless' (probably less politely). She was sure she understood what he meant. When I asked 'okay, can you see any politician or person saying they aren't for 'traditional family values?' Poor Mom, she got so tired of me parsing BS. I was so tired of people accepting platitudes and easy phrases without paying attention to the manipulation I saw. She just wanted a quiet, peaceful evening, and I was far more political and critical than any one she'd ever known. 

My education sharpened my critical skills - it's purpose, as far as I'm concerned. But this country doesn't trust intellectuals, or critical thinking. Never really has. I theorize that that attitude is part of our public education goals: I was taught to be curious, but not critical. Oddly, I think it was one reason I was the student I was. I did well on paper, got good grades, but was dismissed as anything more than mediocre. Told I wasn't college material. My rebellions were small, but from a distance, telling. Those are other stories, but the point for this piece is that college and university sharpened my critical thinking skills in ways that Traditional Power Structures have found less than desirable. And the current US political system  seems so dysfunctional and so transparently subverted that I am astonished it is still standing. 

The mid-terms aren't yet finalized, even a week after election day. The Democrats have the barest of majorities in the Senate, the House is still in the balance: Republicans have 217/218 they need to dominate there. McCarthy is sharpening his knives and gathering tinder. Locally, we've elected a developer's lackey to the Development Board, but managed to retain the contested Senate seat. McConnell's hand picked choice for that seat came far too close for comfort. 

And on the global level, human population has reached 8 billion. The earth is groaning, and natural balance (whatever that might be) seems dangerously out of balance for our species. And we'll likely take a huge chunk of life down with us when we go down. That's an ugly prospect.

Gee, what a happy thing. I'm going to go get my head out of doom & gloom and try to enjoy what looks to be a glorious fall day.